As I write this, I can feel my chest tighten and my eyes fight back tears. I feel like I’m having a bit of an identity crisis. Okay, so crisis may be too strong of a word. I’m happy, I’m healthy, and I’m not lost. But I’m having a hard time figuring out who I am besides being a Mom.
I’m a Wife. I love my husband and try to support him in his goals and dreams. I look to him as the head of our family and respect his input and decisions. I do my best to make him laugh, look pretty, and feed him good meals. We’re getting into a great groove right now and getting out on dates and I’m super appreciative of that!
I’m a Mom. I pushed out three babies, nursed them, and care for them when they’re sick. I book doctors and dentist appointments, change their diapers, and teach them to use the potty. I feed them, clothe them, and tuck them in for their sleep. I keep them safe and sacrifice my sleep and energy to make sure they’re well. I love these kids with every fibre of my being!
I’m a teacher. I homeschool my kids, which means I’m primarily responsible for their education. I look up curriculum, order books, and sit at the table helping them struggle through a concept. I show them new ways of thinking, research lessons, and push them. I carry the weight of their academics on my shoulders, day and night. That’s no small undertaking, and it’s not as though the kids thank me for it.
I’m a pet owner. I clean up a lot of poop every day. Whether it be dogs or chickens, I’m constantly making sure that everyone has clean water and bedding. I give these pets love and attention, and make sure that their needs are met, often before my own.
I’m a child of God. I’ve got a heavenly Father who loves me despite how I behave and how I look. I’ve got a home in Heaven, and when I one day pass away from this earth, I have confidence that I’ll open my eyes to it’s glory. I am so thankful for that!
These are all wonderful things, and they fullfill a lot of who I am; but I still feel like just a Mom a lot of the time. Yes, I do a lot as a wife, Mom, and homeschooler, but none of those things make up 100% of who I am. Why does no one talk about this?
Do you believe that we Moms need something just for us? I think I do. Maybe this is only a struggle for me because I’m a stay at home Mother. Working Moms have another part of them that they tap into each day, outside the home, like my husband does. They put on another hat and leave the others behind. I don’t have that. I am, 100% of the time, Mom.
I’m trying to find an identity outside of that. You’d think blogging would be it, but because I blog primarily about Motherhood, it’s still within that same zone. It’s why I’ve considered changing the name of my blog; to pull away from that constant Mom title.
“Don’t do it!” I’m told. “You’re still a Mom who writes about Mommy things! That’s who and what you are!”
I’ve been looking into becoming a travel agent, because everyone knows travel is a huge passion for mine. But then I hit a roadblock: I don’t want to just book someones flight and hotel room. I want to inspire! I want to find new adventures and great deals… but what do I do with that? Travel blog? I do that already, but you have to be an amazing photographer to make a real go at it.
Yes, being a Mother is the most rewarding thing I can do. I’m grateful that I don’t have to go out and work. But I need… something for me, and something that doesn’t have anything to do with being a Mom.
I’m not sure who I am besides being a Mom. Can you relate?